A Sports Miracle In Three Acts/Periods

Hello dear reader and welcome to a new day! There are many things to be happy about today. In the weirdo non-sports watching world, apparently the finale of some show called Lost will be on this week as well as American Idol (stabs eardrums) and some other shit I won't be watching. In the world of things that actually matter, the Blackhawks have moved on to the Western Conference Final after making Roberto Luongo look like a snivelling schoolboy last night. The Cubs are playing good baseball (that's called sarcasm) and the Cardinals still have not had major steroid scandal! (Yet) Oh, and one more thing, last night I witnessed the greatest miracle of all, a sports miracle.

Act 1
As many of you know, the PBR has pretty much designated the Bullpen as one of the best places in town to watch a game. Some people apparently have not gotten this message. Last night I went there with a few staff members to watch our beloved Blackhawks make whimpering pussies out of the hated Vancouver Canucks. The game was on the big TV, the audio was piping through the jukebox and all was right with the world. That is, until some douchebag decided that his taste in music trumped the masses' desire to watch AND LISTEN TO playoff hockey. As I sat there listening to the Foo Fighters (yes, he actually paid money to play them) I thought to myself; Someone should really do something about this but I am helpless without my computer. Just then, a hero emerged. At first, I wasn't sure what was going on but a person who looked to be a manager was talking to a large, fairly intoxicated gentleman, near the bar. He seemed to be making a case for something. Then all of a sudden, the music stopped and the sound of pucks and sticks and body checks and Pat Foley's voice flowed beautifully through the speakers. The FooDouche said "What the fuck?" and I joined several people in cheering. Our hero, who's name is Tom exclaimed "It's the goddamn playoffs!" Truer words have never been spoken. Tom then told the FooDouche to "blame me" to which the FooDouche did nothing because, well you just don't fuck with an American Hero like Tom.

Intermission
Before I continue, I must make a plea to the owners/operators of the Bullpen. I understand that you are in the business of making money and that many people enjoy inflicting their taste of music upon everyone else and that by doing so, you make a shitload of cash. I also understand that on a Tuesday night in early summer there might not be a big game on TV. However, last night was not the case. Last night was a pivotal Game 6 that involved the Chicago Blackhawks. I fully appreciate the fact that if this game did not involve a team from Chicago or St. Louis that there would be very little chance you would even play the game let alone turn the audio on. The fact remains that the majority of the people present at the Pen last night were either indifferent to or in support of turning the music off and turning the game on. If I could make a suggestion it would be to play the game when it is on. During the 15 minute intermissions, let people play the jukebox, this should make everyone happy. Or don't play the jukebox at all, you wouldn't hear any complaints from me. After all, it's called Bullpen Sports Bar, not Bullpen Come Here and Play Your Shitty Music While Good Honest Law Abiding Americans Try To Watch Sports Bar! (TM)

Act 2
Sometime in the Second (2nd) Period, the jukebox came back on and there was once again sadness in the world. Tom, to put it mildly, was not pleased. He began an emotinal plea to once again have the music turned off exclaiming, "I want the whole bar to hear me, this is bullshit, this is the goddamn playoffs!" I felt the urge to come to Tom's aid, but realized I had better just stay put or risk exposing my true identity, thereby disabling myself from telling you, dear reader, about this amazing experience. Tom continued to voice his dissatisfaction as the bouncer and manager approached. Please don't let it end like this, I thought. After some time the manager calmed Tom down and the Second (2nd) Period came to a close. End Scene.

Act 3
As I settled down for the Third (3rd) Period and some lovely Nickleback (because apparently people like them), I noticed that Tom had left. He had finally had enough. Just as the puck was about to drop, the music stopped and once again, all was right with the world. The game audio remained on for the rest of the game and FooDouche, I think, finally realized that there was a pretty important hockey game on and that the majority of the people at the Pen were there to listen to the game, not his music. Unfortunately, for Tom he left too early to enjoy the fruits of his labor. He might have been a little tired though, I heard him say he had been there since 4:00, which if true, earns him a big AttaBoy!

So, Tom if you are out there, on behalf of sports fans everywhere, I thank you. I thought I was alone, I thought I was the only one with a feverish desire for Gameday Audio but now I know I'm not alone. You weren't there to see our victory but know, that it would never have been possible if not for you. Plus the Hawks won, by a lot. God Speed Good Sir, and may our Paths cross again soon! This one's for you, Tom. And for you FooDouche, that's called Real Music.

Bullpen Sports Bar at Landmark

The Bullpen Sports Bar is located inside the Landmark Recreation Center on Dries Lane in Peoria. For those of you who don't know, this space was formally occupied by the Off-Track Betting Parlor. While, I think its kind of sad to see that place go (childhood memories and all) I fully understand the decision to do away with a space so large and devoted solely to betting on horses mainly because OTB's are on their way out. There was a time when almost every town had one and betting on horse racing was very popular. There was also a time when someone combined the words "leisure" and "suit" for some unknown reason. I remember going to the OTB with my dad when I was a kid. Get a racecard, pick your horse (usually based on how cool the name was), and place your bet. Apparently though, dads taking their sons there once a year wasn't enough to keep the place afloat. Another remnant of the past is gone forever. But there is something to be happy about and that something is the Bullpen.

I cannot stress enough how big this place is. If I had to guess, I'd say about 1600 square feet. The Bullpen is a typical modern sports bar but it has the feel of someplace one might find in Chicago. There are at least 30 flatscreens in every corner of the bar as well as two enormous projections, one right over the bar and another just to the right of it. Now, if this sounds like too much for you, than you can go Fuck Off, because there are some serious sports nuts in this town and not enough places to actually watch a game.

To be clear, when I say "watch a game" there are certain number of things I am looking for. First off, I would like to actually hear the sound of said game. Nothing is worse than watching a prime time sporting event and having it drowned out by someone's jukebox picks. I have seen this scenario all too often. During the final minutes of this year's NCAA Men's National Championship Game, I had to endure "Picture" by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow. Now, I realize that not everyone cares about sports as much as I do but come the fuck on! How can there be a person that exists who still wants to hear that damn song? Most big sports bars that you go to will have the audio on for big games but what separates the men from the boys is having the audio on for every game. I was pleasantly surprised on my first trip to the Bullpen when I found the Cubs game on with audio. The Cardinals were playing as well and they went to that game as soon as the Cubs finished off the Mets. I'm not sure how they decided which game to play but I have a feeling they pick whatever game is on first.

Besides my fascination with gameday audio, there are plenty of other things that are sweet about the Bullpen. There are 3 pool tables, 2 bags games, a shuffleboard table (right to left baby right to left!), and some kind of horse racing game that is huge and I don't have any idea how it works, but it's cool they decided to pay tribute to the bar's heritage. Another bit of awesomeness that the Bullpen provides are the Towers. The Towers are clear cylinder that hold 200 ounces of beer. That's......... oh I don't know I suck at math, but I do know that's a lot of beer and beer is good! You can get a half (must have a minimum of two people) or a full (minimum of four). To get one filled with domestic beer (only Bud Light is good enough to grace the inside of a tower) it'll cost you $20, imports are $30. I find it funny that they had to enforce the "minimum people" rule for consuming one of these. I don't doubt that some dumbass (me) would have tried to order one for himself but you would think common sense would come into play.

Bartender: Do you seriously think you can drink all that beer before it gets warm?
Me: Do you seriously think I will give a fuck if it is warm after I drink the first 100 ounces?
Bartender: Good point. ONE TOWER OF BUD LIGHT TO TABLE 3!

Now that little scenario has played itself out in my head, we can move on to the food. The menu is your typical pub food; burgers, pizza, wings, etc. but there are some interesting items not found many other places. For one they have these things called salads, which I was very excited about until the waitress informed me that they consist mostly of lettuce. There are seven of them though, which is more than I've ever seen on a bar menu. I wanted to get chicken wings but my girlfriend reminded me that I had already reached my weekly quota of 24. So, I settled for a little snack of catfish curls, queso dippers, and loaded fries. All were good, especially the catfish strips. Unknowingly, I had ordered almost the exact same thing as Phil Luciano when he reviewed the Bullpen. Seeing as we are the only two people in Peoria who write about such important things, maybe a little planning would have helped to provide you the reader with some critiques of other menu items. Call me Phil. The Bullpen has drink and food specials for every day of the week. I know that Wednesdays are $1 domestic drafts and 1/2 price appetizers, beyond that I can't remember, I'll post them ASAP.

The beers are many. The Bullpen has a six foot cooler full of bottles that I didn't look at because there people sitting in front of it and I didn't want to be a creep. On draft are Erdinger, Guinness, Smithwicks, Blue Moon, Harp, Budweiser, Bud Light (mmmmm), and Miller Lite ( learn how to spell assholes!) I don't know the prices of all of these but it doesn't really matter, the Bullpen's specials ensure that you will find a deal every day of the week, no matter what your taste.

One final thought about the Bullpen. I realize that sports bars are pretty much all the same. I also realize that one could go to Old Chicago or Buffalo Wild Wings and get pretty much the same atmosphere provided by the Bullpen. But one of the things that drives me crazy about Peorians is their occasional unwillingness to support local businesses. Look at Grand Prairie. The place is packed all the time. As are Old Chicago, BWW, and other places like them (Panera). Have you eaten at any of these places? The food sucks! I could make better chicken wings with ketchup and turkey for fucks sake! I honestly believe that there are people in this city who see a chain restaurant go up and would rather go there because it has "proven" itself, rather than take a chance on a lesser known but local place like the Bullpen. First of all, the only thing that chain restaurants have proven is that they are good at making money, not necessarily food. Ask your friends where the best wings are or who makes the best pizza. I'm guessing not many of them say BWW or Old Chicago. If they do, they are either A. fucking stupid or B. extremely sheltered. If they are B get them to Schooners for some wings and either Hoops, Double A's, or Aggi's for pizza. Then ask them that question again. If they still say they prefer the aforementioned chains, cut off all contact with them, they cannot be saved. More than likely though, they will thank you for exposing them to such local favorites. And if they do thank you, you can't really take credit for it, because I was the one who told you to do it in the first place. So, you must have them thank me. Just have them shout out; THANK YOU PEORIA BAR REVIEW! as loud as they can. If they are lucky, I will hear it and it will bring a smile to my face. And an angel will get some chicken wings, or something like that.

So, go check out the Bullpen the next time you want to watch and listen to a game uninterrupted by crappy jukebox picks. Or just go there and eat. It ain't healthy per se but fuck if it ain't good!
Cheers to local businesses and cheers to the Bullpen!

Bar Hours
Sunday - Wednesday 11am - 1am
Thursday - Saturday 11am - 2am
Kitchen Hours
Sunday - Thursday 11am - 11pm
Friday and Saturday 11am - 12am

7th of July 2011 update: I'm pleased to announce that the 'Pen has been a great success. I've thouroughly enjoyed watching some marquee sporting events there since I wrote this review. It gets a little crazy on Saturday nights but other than this place is a solide boozer and in my mind, the best place in town to watch big games.

Cheers to the Bullpen and R.I.P. to the OTB