Hoops Pub and Pizza

This picture is old, Adam's Apple is now Gin Joint. My encyclopedic knowledge of Peoria area bars knows no bounds.

Hoops is located at 516 Main St. in downtown Peoria. That last sentence was such a waste, if you don't know where Hoops is, you just haven't been paying attention. Hoops has been a mainstay in downtown Peoria for the last fourteen years. Pryor* to this, the building that houses Hoops was a small restaurant known as Pepperoni's.

*For an explanation of this error see Things Unique To Peoria: Richard Pryor

Speaking of this building, it is fucking old, probably one of the oldest in Peoria. Technically the entire building that holds Hoops, Judge's Chamber, Club Ice, Gin Joint, and Whammy Bar is all part of the Madison Theatre. Hoops is the only one of these establishments that isn't owned in some way by Big Al. All of the other bars in this building are in some way, leased or rented from King Douche Al himself. It is my hope that Al never gets his greedy hands on Hoops, lest he turn into a sleazy nightclub complete with ostrich skinned booths and $8 beers.

Hoops is known for its pizza. According to a recent poll at the PBR, Hoops was voted as having the best pizza in Peoria. I was listening to Rush I Love Oxycontin Limbaugh the other day and he utilized a low rent tactic whereby he questioned the manhood of anyone who called themselves a liberal much less anyone who voted for one. Well, I am about to use that tactic right now. There is only one way to eat a slice of pizza at Hoops if you are a "real" man. This munching method is known as "pinch and fold" (copyright 2010 Peoria Bar Review). When you order a slice at Hoops you will be equipped with the following; a plate, a knife, a fork, parmesan cheese, hot sauce and red pepper flakes. The first thing you should do put a generous amount of parmesan on your slice to soak up the grease. Then, top it with red pepper. Next, pick up your slice with your thumb and middle fingers. Place your first finger in the middle of the crust, then pinch and fold until the crust cracks. This will result in a doubled-over slice of pizza that is one of the greatest culinary treats in Peoria. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU EVER USE A KNIFE AND/FORK TO EAT YOUR SLICE OF PIZZA! This is an act of blasphemy that greatly offends the pizza gods. If you do use a knife and fork you must eat three Papa John's and one Domino's as your penance. There is a lot more than just pizza on the menu but you'll just have to take my word for it because the menu is enormous. Off the top of my head, I can tell you that the nachos are amazing. They're topped with Italian beef and jalapenos and are a cheesy, delicious mess.

There are more tables than seats at the bar at Hoops but no matter where you are, there is a tv in sight. Behind the bar is a giant bookcase-looking thing that holds the massive selection of booze available for your drankin pleasure. The walls are adorned with local sports memorabilia. The items include two Bradley basketball jerseys from the days when blue was part of the school's colors. The jerseys belong to former NBA-er Hersey Hawkins and Hoops owner Kerry Cook. Another great piece of history on the walls of Hoops is hockey sweater* from the Peoria Blades. Logo seen below.

*Sweater is hockey slang for jersey. DO NOT call a hockey sweater a jersey, it offends the hockey gods. You're welcome for teaching you something new.

In case you didn't notice, the goalie's legs are Caterpillar tractor tracks. The actual logo uses a white, blue, and yellow color scheme. The Blades were Peoria's hockey team from 1972-82. For two years the Blades became the Prancers and rocked this awesome fucking logo.

Eventually, the Prancers became the Peoria Rivermen and went on to win the IHL's Turner Cup, serve as the IHL home of such hockey greats as Tony Twist, Dominic Lavoie, and my childhood hero, Ricky Pion. There is also a fair amount of Bradley basketball paraphernalia, which is probably part of why it is so popular among the Hilltopper alumni. Before and after Bradley games, Hoops is always packed with Braves fans getting their pizza fix. So, the next time you are at Hoops, make sure you take some time to admire all the local sports history that adorns the bar.

While the bar downstairs is decorated with a local flair, the upstairs bar has a much more tropical feel. There's a tiki bar and picnic tables to eat and drink at. Hoops is the only tavern in Peoria that I can think of that has two bars in the same building that vary so much in decor. The upstairs isn't always open but during the wee hours of the morning, both bars are almost always operating at full capacity. Draft and bottled beers are available upstairs and downstairs.

Hoops is a place that holds a certain distinction among several groups of people. My Bradley alumni friends always talk fondly of late nights at Hoops, as well as most anyone who has ever worked at a bar downtown. Whilst googling Hoops, I came across several reviews of Hoops from out-of-towners who had nothing but praise for the bar and their food. The third group is made up of those of us like the PBR staff, that still enjoy spending a night downtown. Sometimes it can get a little Weird when Club Ice is packed but really, since the closing of Fourplay, Main St. has become a much more enjoyable place to be. Read: less douchebags. This is especially true now that Whammy Bar is going strong with their diverse group of bands cycling through.

Before I forget, I have to mention Steve, or as he is more often called "Nappy". Steve has been working at Hoops since its founding and is a true pro. Not to mention he has one of the most bad ass mullets I've ever seen. Steve's mullet could kick the shit out of Jared Allen's mullet* with one hand tied behind its back. Yah, you read that right, Steve's mullet actually has its own fucking hands. You can not fuck with that shit.

*Ha! Are you kidding me? When did you start growing that, yesterday? My dick has a better mullet than that!

I can't imagine there are many people reading this that live in the Peoria area and have never been to Hoops. It seems that this bar is one of those places that just about everyone has been to at least once. So, for those of you reading this who have found yourself in our Fair City, make sure you stop by Hoops for a slice, or ten. Hoops has booze and food till 4 AM everyday of the week, so no matter what time you get into town, Hoops is there to serve you!

Cheers to great pizza and cheers to Hoops!