Burger Barge

The Burger Barge is located at 1401 N. Main in East Peoria. If you go to Jonah's/Par-a-Dice casino, take the access road north. If you see a dilapidated boat on your left hand side you are on the right track. Marty Wombacher from 365 Beers stopped here a while back and you can find his review here.

Unfortunately, my camera died just as I was about to walk into the Barge so I was only able to get a couple of pictures of the outside. This is a damn shame because there are so many cool things to take pictures of inside the bar. There are napkins pinned to every wall that have patrons' depictions of the Burger Barge. The ceiling tiles are adorned with graffiti and jokes from hundreds of customers, not to mention all the boating and drinking paraphernalia that fights for space on every wall.

I love bars like this that are cluttered with stuff, it gives the place a unique atmosphere that is unlike any other. Before you even walk into the Barge you feel like you are on vacation. That is, unless you go there in the winter. Even then, the Barge is a tropical oasis in the wintery desolation that is our Illinois winter. The Burger Barge reminded me immediately of Key West. If Jimmy Buffett lived in Peoria, you would probably find him here every day of the week. Speaking of Jimmy, the old school jukebox is loaded with Buffet albums as well as other summer-ish music like the Beach Boys and Bob Marley. There is also a decent amount of country music on there to give it a midwest feel.

In case you haven't already heard, the Burger Barge has some of the best burgers around. I'm going to go ahead and say that I don't think there is another place in the Peoria are that has better burgers than the ones available at the Barge. These aren't just your typical hamburgers either. There are over a dozen different selections including the Tavern Burger which is topped with barbecue sauce and cole slaw!

There is even a burger that has the famed Luciano Cheese Blobs on it. There's a lot more than just burgers though. The Barge has pork and chicken sandwiches, plenty of appetizers, and an extensive cocktail list. There is also a burger buffet where you can build your own, I would just assume to leave it to the professionals and the staff at the Barge are definitely that. You can check out the full menu here.

Drinks are cheap at the Barge, unlike the tourist trap Key West bars that the place resembles. With the exception of the fancy cocktails (I had the Blue Curacao) you can get pretty well drunk at the Barge for about twenty bucks. Sundays are build your own Bloody Mary bar ($2), which seems to have become a popular thing the last couple of years. The Barge has great daily specials (except for Fridays) that I have listed below.

The bar is small but comfortable with a few TV's to watch the game. The indoor seating area seats about 50 and there are a couple nice new flatscreens to watch the World Cup. You are watching the World Cup AREN'T YOU?

Outside you can sit on concrete or in the sand. There is a patio with a tin roof over it with fish-shaped high top tables and some booths that look like they came from a Dairy Queen. The eclectic decor makes it's way outside too. Closer to the river there is a large sand box with several picnic tables to eat, drink, and smoke at. With all the Buffet and Marley playing, you might be tempted to smoke something other than cigarettes (har har).

Unfortunately the river is way too high to dock at the barge right now, but once it goes down you can dock your boat and walk up the hill to grab a bite to eat and a few drinks. This is one of the coolest parts about the barge. Every day, you get a nice mix of boaters, locals, and out-of-towners staying at the Par-a-Dice hotel just down the road. While peeking around, I noticed that the owner(s?) are constructing a bar outside that seats about 20. I'm not sure when it will be ready but it looks like it will be really nice out there.

This weekend the Burger Barge has lined up three days of entertainment for our Independence Day. Friday night Chicago Farmer will play from 5-9:30. Saturday the great band Rooster Alley will play from 6-10. In case you've never heard of them, check out their website, these guys seriously Rock the Fuck Out. Their lead singer/guitarist wears a guitar strap that has 6 or 7 harmonicas on it! If that doesn't get your Mojo Workin, nothing will. Sunday, Reverend Ed and the Sunday Drive will play from 2-6. I'm not sure what the view of the fireworks would be like from here but it should still be a fun place to hang out for the 4th of July festivities.

So, cheers to the Burger Barge for providing the Peoria area with a little slice of Key West mixed our
patented midwest hospitality!

Daily Specials
M $1.75 cans-o-beer
T $2 wells
W 6 for $5 8oz. Coors cans
T $2 build your own margarita bar
F/S None, it's Friday, if you can't get folks to come to your bar on Friday and Saturday, you're Fucked!
S $2 build your own Bloody Mary bar

Update - I went to the Burger Barge a few days ago and thourougly enjoyed it. I shot some photos and you can check them out below. But first a couple bits of news. The Tiki Bar outside has been completed and seats firfty (50). There's a new menu items as well, it's called the Loosy and it's basically just loose meat sandwiches and loose meat added to omelets, and barges (Burger Barge speak for sandwiches.) That's it for now, cheers and beers!


This is the bacon burger. Fucking. Amazing.

This is the napkin I drew on and hung near the front door. Pretty good huh? Yah I know, I'm awesome in so many ways. The Spirit of Peoria looks like shit though. Hi Marty! Cheers!

Crow's Nest

The Crow's Nest is located at 633 E. Lake Avenue in what is I believe technically Peoria Heights. This place has been a bar since I was still wandering around the playground at Rogi's and used to be called Ajay's. Located just next door is another tavern, the Stadium Club.

The Crow's Nest is a small and very red bar. The walls are all red and there are several lamps of the same color decorating the bar. Behind the bar is a fancy set of shelves packed with all kinds of booze. Not just your typical John, Jack, and Jose either, Crow's Nest has the extras like the various flavored Three Olives etc. Not my thing but some people like to mix it up with that stuff. They also have four beers on tap; Bud, Bud Light, Miller Lite, and Coors Light. One very unique thing about the Nest is that they have a modern pay phone, just next to the front door. I say it's modern because it has a card swipe thingy on it, I've never seen one anywhere else. There are daily specials at the Nest, Tuesdays are $2 domestic bottles, I didn't write down the rest, I will add an update to this post as soon as I get the chance.

The bar seats about 15 and there are a dozen or so stools opposite the bar with a shelf for your drinks. In between is one of the three pool tables. Now that I think about it, the fact that there are three tables in Crow's Nest might add to the allusion that this place is small. The two tables at either end will cost you 75 cents and the Valley table in the middle costs 50. This is pretty unique. I don't think I've ever been to a place where one table costs more than the other. Speaking of pool, if you want a challenge, the Crow's Nest is the place to go. Not surprisingly, there are a lot of good shooters at the Nest. They have a team that plays in the River City Billiards league and they are damn good. A word of warning though, these tables are FAST! The Nest has some of the fastest tables I have ever played on. So, grab a light cue (16 or 17) and take it easy on that cue ball!

There's only one TV at the Nest but it is a big one that is jammed tightly behind the bar. To the left of the bar are two computer monitors with internet available to browse. The bathrooms are right near the back door and are labelled Pimps and Hoes, which should be pretty easy to figure out. In between the Stadium Club and the Nest is a small smoking area for you twenty percenters out there. The Stadium Club is another place the PBR plans on checking out soon (hopefully) but you'll have to wait for that review.

So, cheers to the straight shooters of the River City and cheers to the Crow's Nest!

Jillian's

Okay, it's been a while since the PBR has written a negative review. After the controversy over the Douchebag Bars post, our editor in chief decided it would be good to hold off on bashing a place for a while. So, since there has been several positive reviews in the past couple of weeks it is time to even the scales. In case you hadn't already gotten the hint and you happen to be someone who really likes Jillian's you might not want to read this post. And away we go....

Jillian's is located in the former Linen's and Things building at the The Shoppes at Grand Prairie (aka the new mall). I never went in there when it was still Linen's and Things but they must have had a lot of "things" in there because this place is fucking huge. One thing I will say about Jillian's is that it is a great place to take your kids or host a birthday party. There are plenty of games for the kiddies to play and a nice selection of food and drinks for the adults as well as a comfortable bar and dining area complete with plenty of TV's. There is even a bowling alley with 6 or 7 lanes for your pin-knockin-down pleasure. The games run the gamete from classics like skee-ball and the basketball free-throw game to newer video games like Time Crisis (my personal favorite) and some take-your-chance games that you can win tickets off of. Just like Chuck E Cheese there are a bunch of corny prizes to "buy" with your tickets. They even have a guitar for the low low price of 9000 tickets. However, you would probably have to spend about $200 to get that many tickets. Beyond all that, there really isn't anything about Jillian's that's all that great. It is just not a place that I (or any of my friends for that matter) would want to go to to have drinks.

The bar at Jillian's is really nice and has four (4) large flatscreens and a good selection of beers on tap and in bottles. What's the problem with that you ask? Well it might have to do with the fact that everything at Jillian's is outrageously overpriced. I drank four beers there and my tab was almost thirty dollars. Now, that might not be a big deal for some of you but for me, that is quite ridiculous. Usually after spending thirty dollars at a bar I'm pretty well buzzed and probably ready to call it a night. Another thing that pisses me off about Jillian's are the pool tables. They are absolutely gorgeous. They are full size nine foot tables with red felt and copper pockets. I don't think I've ever shot on a table as nice as the ones at Jillian's. There is just one problem; they cost TWELVE FUCKING DOLLARS AN HOUR! Oh, and this price goes up on the weekends and at night. I've been to Jillian's twice now and have yet to see anyone playing on them, what a waste. The food is decent but once again overpriced. Basically, you're eating Chili's style food but paying 2-3 dollars more on any given dish.

This review is not a knock on anyone who works at or frequents Jillian's. If you like the place, good for you, it's just not my thing. Actually, it kind of is my thing, just not at those prices. Hell, they serve beer at Chuck E Cheese and have practically the same amount of games! Not to mention, they are far cheaper. I think this is another example the "new place" syndrome. Where in, a new place opens up and a bunch of people (with more money than me) pack the joint just because it's pretty inside. In my mind, going somewhere and paying more for a beer when there are plenty of places around that are just as nice but cheaper and, in some cases locally owned, is the same thing as buying a Hummer. Really, you really need a fucking Hummer? What are you, preparing for the Apocalypse? Don't worry though, this place will rake in the dough, all of which will go to whatever corporation owns Jillian's, far, far away from Peoria. Sure, we'll make money off the taxes but I just loath chains. I would have much rather seen a local business open up in this location. Although that's probably impossible due to the sheer magnitude of the building.

Oh, and there was an assload of douchebags in Affliction and Ed Hardy gear there as well as plenty of Hummers in the parking lot. So, the PBR will not be giving a cheers to Jillian's, we will save our cheers for places that actually deserve it. In case you have forgotten you can send your hate mail to peoriabarreview@yahoo.com, post it on the Facebook page, or just let it fly in the comments section! The PBR will however give a cheers to staff writer DS who was supposed to write this post months ago when Jillian's first opened and is just now getting around to it. Cheers DS!

Peoria Institution: Garden Gate Tap

The Garden Gate Tap is located on Garden St. just off of Adams in downtown Peoria. The Garden Gate has the unlucky distinction of having the address 1313 W. Garden St. The GGT, as it is affectionately known (between TheChief and Bobby Bolts that is) is a small and friendly neighborhood tavern. The reason it is called the Garden Gate is because of the gates that protect the windows and door from vandals and would-be robbers. No need to worry though, the GGT is just as safe as any of the other many bars in this area. Why a thief would want to rob a bar I will never know. It seems to me that walking into a room full of drunk people and robbing their favorite watering hole would be the last thing you would want to do. It must have something to do with the fact that bars are open later than most other businesses.

The GGT is definitely a no-frills place. I added the Gate to the PBR's list of Peoria Institutions after a recent trip down there. Back when the majority of Peorians actually lived downtown there was quite a few taverns in this area. As time has gone on though they have closed and most of these buildings remain empty. The Gate, like Roger's is one of the few remaining holdouts. The bar itself is very intimate. It is the classic one- room bar design. The bars seats twenty and there are no tables. The Gate is another place where there is no TV behind the bar, a phenomenon I've touched on before. There are however two TV's at either end of the bar. In the middle of the room is a Valley pool table that really doesn't get much action considering the cramped space. What does get a lot of action though is the Shuffleboard table. I'm a big fan of shuffleboard but I was informed by one of the regulars that I was playing the wrong way. As a matter of fact, my method of playing was so foreign to both the bartender and the locals that on a return trip a different bartender asked BB and I if we were the ones there a few weeks earlier playing "that weird version of shuffle". I said yes and we had a nice discussion on the many different versions people have of shuffleboard. At the Gate, they play some very odd games, the rules of which fail me now but as soon as I learn them I'll be sure to let you know.

The regulars are very welcoming at the gate as are the prices. The last few times I've been to the Gate, there hasn't been any beer on draft, despite the three tappers in the middle of the bar. A bottle of domestic will cost you two(2) bucks and a shot is four (4). Don't expect to find any imports in this place. Well, they might have them but I would expect they don't and asking for one would probably get some laughs from the folks at the bar. The GGT is a classic shot-and-a-beer bar which are always my favorite. As I said the regulars (mostly old timers, I was the youngest person in there by about 30 years) are very friendly. The gentleman (and I use this term loosely) I talked to down there was quick with a joke and advice on shuffleboard. For instance:

Guy: "What did God say to the Cubs?"
Me:  "I don't know."
Guy: " Don't do anything until I get back!"
Me: "Haahahahaha" thinking in my mind, I can't wait till 2012 that is our year!

Now, as a Cubs fan I have had to hear a shitload of crappy Cubs jokes but this one got me. Anything that references God and the Apocalypse in joke form is always good stuff. Another great thing about the Gate is their jukebox. They still have an old school flip disc juke box. I would be remiss if I didn't tell you though, that the juke is filled with nothing but country. The artists range from old school suicide country like Hank Williams and George Jones to neo-classic country like George Strait, all the way up to the Jimmy Buffett-esque stuff from Kenny Chesney. I love some classic country but my limit at the Gate would be about 2 hours unless I was really shithoused, then I could stick around longer. Without massive amounts of booze in me I have to have some variety. No worries though, Roger's is right down the street so I could always head up there and get my fix of Little Milton and my favorite pool-shootin, shot-takin, beer-poundin song, Eminence Front.

Back to the joke guy. He taught me so many bar tricks I can't even remember all of them. The one in the picture above I was able to pull off (that's why I took the picture.) As you can see there is only about two swigs missing from that bottle of glorious Bud Light and yet it is perfectly balanced on that salt shaker. How did I do this you ask? Well, the trick to it is you have to have those old school salt shakers with square dimples on them. They used to have them at just about every greasy spoon diner but they're pretty hard to find now. I do know of one place that still has them, the Garden Gate Tap! So, while this is a really cool trick, the only place I know of where I could pull it off would be the Gate. Bummer. I'm gonna keep my eye out though so I can win some money off some schmuck at a bar someday. If anyone reading this knows of a place that has or sells these shakers, shoot me an email at peoriabarreview@yahoo.com or on our Facebook page.

If I didn't live so far from the Gate, I would definitely like to get real drunk in there on a Saturday night and see what kind of craziness goes on. Maybe I could even get into a good old fashioned barroom brawl or something, that would be sweet. For now, I'll just have to settle for the Gate being one of my "few beers after work joint." A man can dream though.

There are so many bars in this area you could take a day and just do "beer a bar" (copyright Bobby Bolts 1998). Although when you get to the Gate, the friendly atmosphere might make you want to stay for more than one, I know it always does for me. Cheers to the Garden Gate Tap and cheers to the holdouts!